Worth the Wait

What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions purity, or living purely?

For me, the first thing I think of is the idea of sexual purity, which generally means saving yourself for marriage. Keeping yourself pure is one of the greatest advantages you can give yourself in life and your future marriage. Purity is not just limited to waiting to have sex until you are married, purity is something that needs to be guarded long before you get into a relationship. 

I believe sexual purity extends beyond waiting until marriage, I believe it’s saving your first kiss until the altar, and I believe it’s keeping your hands to yourself until you are married. 

How we ought to live

Let’s take a look at scripture.

1 Corinthians 6:15-16

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

God created sexual intimacy as something wonderful, something to be done only between a husband and a wife. Notice that in Genesis, when marriage was created (Genesis 2:24), God gave Adam one wife, not several, and Eve is called Adam’s wife (Genesis 2:25), not just a girlfriend. Sex was created for married couples to fulfill God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). It’s the act of the two becoming “one flesh” (Matthew 19:4-6), notice the numbers. 2 becoming 1, that’s it. God didn’t create us to “become one” over and over with several different people. The truth is fornication (defined as sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other), is a sin, the Bible clearly states multiple times that those living a life of fornication will not be allowed into Heaven (Hebrews 13:4, Revelations 21:8, Ephesians 5:5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3)

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says to “flee sexual immorality”. According to Merriam-Webster flee means to run away from danger and hurry towards a place of security. This description of how we are to treat sexual immorality is a far cry from how we see people acting today. My mom has always described Christian life like this,

We decide where we want to live. Will you walk the line, and get as close to sin as you can? Or will you flee from sin and stay as far as possible from it?

My mom has chosen to live as far away from sin as she could. When people call her extreme, even “Christians”, her response has been the same over the years, “I want to be as far from sin, and as close to God as I can possibly be, and I really don’t care if that offends you.” One way she lived out this conviction was by fully saving herself for marriage, but not in the traditional way. She decided early on that she would save her first kiss for the altar and, when she and my dad started dating they committed to keep their hands to themselves until they were married. 

What if you chose to save yourself for marriage completely? This means saving your first kiss until you are standing at the altar, not holding hands, hugging, or back rubbing. Are these things sinful? Does the Bible say that cuddling with someone before you’re married is wrong? No, but they sure don’t help you to flee sexual immorality.

2 Timothy 2:22

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

We all have things called hormones, they are like little mailmen that travel through our bodies, and they control things like growth, reproduction, and mood. For example, when you go through puberty or have a baby, your hormones are hard at work. Different things trigger your hormones, such as your monthly cycle. One thing that sets your hormones raging is physical touch, specifically by someone you like. One hormone, in particular, called oxytocin, is released when physical touch occurs. This hormone is known as the “love hormone”, and it is produced through a positive feedback loop meaning it makes you feel good and your body wants more of it so it will want you to continue doing whatever caused the hormone to be released. All of that means when the guy you like wraps his arm around you the love hormone is released and your body wants more, it wants you to feel that way more often and it wants more than a simple hug.

1 Thessalonians 5:22

Abstain from all appearance of evil.

As Thessalonians tells us, abstain (to choose not to have something, full definition here) from even the appearance of evil, why would you want to even appear to be sinning? FLEE!!

Some things I hear many people say to excuse the fact that they can’t keep their hands to themselves are: “It’s not hurting anything”, “We are getting married anyway, so why does it matter”, or, “Everyone else does it.” 

If you are like me when you see a boyfriend and girlfriend that are not in the church at the mall or a restaurant kissing or another form of PDA it’s kind of annoying but I excuse it because they aren’t in church. However, seeing a couple in church sitting close together or hugging makes my stomach turn. Why? Because they are in a relationship in church but they look just like the world. Why would you want to resemble the world you were saved from? 

Another thing to remember is that as sad as it is, any relationship can end at any time, I have seen people end their engagements only a few weeks before their wedding. Anything is possible. Then what happens? You have already given so much of your physical, psychological, and emotional self to that person and you can’t ever get it back. There’s a country song that hits the nail on the head. The song is from a girl singing to her ex-boyfriend who is with a new girl, the chorus talks about all the things that he can’t give to his new girlfriend. One section says “Every kiss, every minute that you spent on me, every memory… Those "I love you's" that already fell off your lips, that part of your heart that you gave me and you can't get back, you can’t give her that”. So true, once you give your heart away to a guy, you can’t get it back. 

From those who have gone before

Sexual purity is like a fork in the road of life, you either remain pure or you don’t, and there is no blazing your own trail. Let’s look at two true* stories that show real-life examples of girls, who each went a different way at this fork, and the result of their actions.

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Luciel and Connie (names changed) both started on the same road. Raised in church as Pastor’s kids, they knew right from wrong, and they understood that fornication is a sin. 

Luciel was raised moving from city to city across the U.S. since her father was a pastor. At an early age, she surrendered her life to Jesus, Luciel recognized that she needed her own relationship with Christ. As she grew in her walk with God and started making stands at school and church she developed some powerful convictions of her own. She would often see people dating in church “all up in each other’s business”. Luciel would see couples linking arms or rubbing backs and think, ‘Why would you do that?’ Mainly because she wanted to save that for marriage. 

I wouldn’t like it if the man I married had already put his hands all over every other girl in the church. Would you? 

Luciel made up her mind that she wasn’t going to get too comfortable with any guy she was in a relationship with and she lived by those convictions. Luciel now shares, “I’m so thankful that when my husband and I started dating we both were virgins. We kept our relationship clean. We did everything we could to keep boundaries up to help us not give into sin and temptation. We didn’t hold hands, hug or kiss. Because we knew something you start you can’t stop! God helped us and [our first kiss was] on our wedding day… We did it!”

Luciel testifies that keeping herself pure and saving all of herself has paid off, “It really helped our marriage going forward not to have to deal with a lot of baggage from the past choices.” 

Luciel and her husband of nearly 24 years now have 3 children and are pastoring a growing church. “With Jesus in your life, He can help you do anything! Even living pure, you still have setbacks and ups and downs, but Jesus helped us,”.

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Connie grew up as a missionary kid. She was no stranger to the things of God, but she had never really made it her own. When she was 16 she broke up with her first boyfriend who attended the same church as her. This rocked her world. She felt like all she had planned for her life was gone. Instead of seeking God’s will and processing this devastation the right way Connie began to search for love from guys in the world. At age 17, she was pursued by a 24-year-old marine who had just returned from his 4th deployment. She was flattered by his attention but later she met another guy, who was in the army. Connie says, 

“We had a whirlwind of romance and we got engaged after 4 weeks. He was stationed in South Korea and we decided to marry in six months.” 

While her fiancé was gone Connie got back together with the Marine, he would bring his marine buddies to her for sex claiming that she owed them because of their sacrifice for her. Thinking that she loved him, she did what the marine asked. When her fiancé came back stateside things took a turn for the worse. 

“We were a toxic mess of jealousy and bitterness.” Connie remembers, “We got in a huge fight about my cheating and his partying and that is pretty much what led to us being in a car accident.” Connie was hospitalized after a car accident, in which their car rolled 7 times. After breaking up with both men she wanted to be saved but at that point, her identity was rooted in only being good for sex so she went deeper into sin instead. The final straw was when her next boyfriend was stationed overseas, worn out by life she genuinely asked Jesus to save her. She didn’t just say a prayer, she began to pursue God. Connie got a job that allowed her to faithfully attend church and moved in with a lady from her home church. She put a hold on dating and focused on her relationship with God. Then her roommate’s brother, the guy who she had broken up with years before, when she was still in church, came back into the picture. Connie wanted nothing to do with him at first, but finally, while hanging out with a group of people from church the ice broke. She found herself having fun and laughing without any strings attached, this blew her mind. Connie started dating her “first love” again a week before her 21st birthday and within 5 months they were getting married. They now have 4 kids and have been in pastoral ministry for 10 years. Connie testifies, “My mind still cannot grasp how I came from a place of complete brokenness and disgusted with myself, to having a beautiful family and more goodness I could ask for. I thank God for not giving up on me and allowing me to be a part of His kingdom.”

Amazing Grace

Ephesians 1:7

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.

We can all relate to one of these stories in one way or another, some have remained pure, while others have missed the mark. Either way, there are 2 truths we see that played out in Luciel and Connie’s lives. 

One, everyone needs salvation (Romans 3:23), whether you think you are a good person or not our righteousness is despicable to God (Isaiah 64:6). 

Two, anyone can be redeemed (Romans 10:13). Church kids, backsliders, and people who have never even heard the name of Jesus, anyone can be saved. 

Maybe you have messed up in the past, whether it was letting your hands go places they shouldn’t, allowing a guy to snuggle with you, or losing your virginity completely. Whatever the case may be, there is hope. 

The truth is sex outside of marriage is a sin, and if you have fornicated you must come to grips with that fact. Confess that you have sinned (Proverbs 28:13), repent from that sin (Acts 3:9), and accept God’s forgiveness (Romans 10:9). It sounds simple, but repentance isn’t always easy. Dealing with the consequences of sin can be hard, but God, in His grace, provided a rescue from the eternal consequence of hell (Romans 6:23).

My grandpa would always say “As long as there is breath, there is hope,” that couldn’t be more true. Many young girls who have messed up allow the guilt and shame of their choices to bind them, driving them deeper into sin and away from God. Another way girls will deal with what they have done is to brush it off or say that God loves them no matter what. Yes, God is good and loving (Jeremiah 31:3), but He is also just (Deuteronomy 32:4), and He doesn’t allow sin to slide (Isaiah 59:2). If you have fornicated, you need to repent. 

Repentance is to turn from your sin, not looking back. I have seen countless broken lives restored by a simple decision to repent. God can restore what you have lost, while it’s true that some things we can never get back (like your virginity), God is a restorative God (Joel 2:25, Psalms 51:12) and He is willing and able to make you a new creation. When we are made new, we are made whole, God gives us a clean slate and a fresh start.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Always remember that Jesus paid it all. He paid the price we couldn’t pay. No matter what you have done, you don’t need to pay for your sins, all you must do is surrender to Jesus and be saved.

1 John 2:2

And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.

So, whoever you may be, whatever you have done, turn to Jesus. If you want to repent of your sins right now I challenge you to say this short prayer in sincere repentance.

Dear Jesus, I admit that I am a sinner. I believe you died on the cross for my sins and rose again three days later. Thank you for your sacrifice and your grace. I surrender my life to you and ask you to create a clean heart in me. Help me to serve you for the rest of my days. Thank you, God, in Jesus’ name I pray amen.

If you prayed that prayer, welcome to the family! God is rejoicing in Heaven because of your choice (Luke 15:10) and I am rejoicing with Him. I encourage you to join a local church if you are not already a part of one. Another thing to do is tell someone, whether it’s telling someone in your church or family about giving your life to Christ, or an unsaved friend, it’s important to share your faith.

Stay tuned for the next part of this series where we will dive into mental purity!

*These stories are both true, I know both women personally. They sent their stories to me and permitted me to use them. We pray they encourage you no matter what you may be facing.

Works Cited:

LeWine MD, Howard E. “Oxytocin, The love hormone” Harvard Health Publishing, 13 June 2023, https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone 

Pietrangelo, Ann. “How Do Female Sex Hormones Affect Menstruation, Pregnancy, and Other Functions?” Healthline, 5 April 2019, https://www.healthline.com/health/female-sex-hormones