Singleness, A Season to Enjoy

If you are a teen girl (and even if you’re not) you have probably at some point in your life been told something like, “singleness is a blessing”, and a “season to enjoy”, or “don’t rush into relationships too soon”, “trust God’s timing”. 

While that is all well and good it doesn’t mean that being a single woman is always easy, or enjoyable. 

I have had friends that are at least a couple years older than me for most of my life, so when they started talking to and dating boys it was easy to get caught up in wanting a boyfriend or wanting someone to like me… at age 16. 

I knew I was nowhere near marrying age, and I was definitely not ready for marriage but “when in Rome” as they say.

I tried to remember that I didn’t need a guy in my life by telling myself, “It’s not time, there’s no way that could happen right now”. 

No matter how hard I tried to follow this advice something would always seem to happen that would send my hormones into high gear, undoing all the progress I had made. 

It’s only recently that I have truly been able to have peace in living in the season that I’m in as a young single woman. My hope is that by the end of this blog, you will be too.

Are you ready?

Let’s face it, girls want to get married, for some that is their deepest desire, to be wooed by a “knight in shining armor”, and to have a “happily ever after”. 

Yet, the truth is life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. Some women aren’t blessed with a husband until later in life, and others never marry at all, not because something is wrong with them or they are inferior but simply because God has specific timing and a  specific plan for every person. 

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing that God has created and we need marriage in the church but the truth is God makes all things beautiful in His time not our own. 

Let’s start with the basics, are you ready for a serious relationship that could lead to marriage?

If you are in your teens or haven’t graduated from high school the answer is most likely no. 

This is just practical, if you are under 18, you are considered a minor in the eyes of the state which makes getting a worthwhile job, a house, and even voting near to impossible. 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, our brains don’t finish developing and maturing until we reach our 20s, and “The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.” This means until our mid-late 20’s we are at a mental disadvantage when it comes to “adulting”. Of course, as we grow, our common sense and ability to make good choices does as well and this is no excuse for making stupid decisions as a teenager. Still, no matter how smart or mature you may think you are when your brain is fully developed you will realize you were once “young and dumb”. 

Beyond age, how is your spiritual life? Is your relationship with God at such a point that you could make room for another individual in your life while still maintaining a strong connection with God? Or are you easily distracted by other things and constantly having to pull yourself back to God? 

We tend to underestimate the effect that a dating relationship has on our relationship with God, whether it be good or bad. While it’s true that your partner should challenge you in your faith in turn bringing you closer to God, we need to have a firm relationship with our Savior before even considering adding another human to the mix. This quote says it all, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.”

How about familial relationships? 

We only have a few years with our parents and siblings and we need to make them count! Once you get married and move away from home what kind of relationship will you have with your family? Relationships will change as the years go by but it is important to have a solid connection with your immediate family, these relationships often determine how we will relate to others. 

What are your hopes and dreams aside from getting married?

If all you can think about is getting married and building a family you should take a step back and re-evaluate. I’m excited to one day be a stay-at-home mom and a supportive wife, but I also have plans until then. You probably won’t be getting married the day after you graduate and sitting on your hands until you do is a pretty lazy way to live (and laziness is a sin!). Maybe you don’t have a clear path you want to take, but what can you do in the meantime to be productive and to continue learning? Some people will get married shortly after finishing high school or college but that doesn’t mean the need for a job disappears, there are still bills that need to be paid. 

My Journey

A few weeks ago I realized that nearly all of my closest friends are currently in relationships, and I’m not. If this had happened a year ago, I definitely would’ve felt left out and had a strong desire to be in a relationship. 

However, when I came to this realization, I had peace. I know that I am not ready for a relationship, and God has chosen to keep me in this season for a reason. I trust God and His timing and have chosen to wait on Him for the “man of my dreams”. 

The peace I have about this did not come overnight, nor did it come from reading every blog post and watching every video I could about “singleness”. It came through prayer and seeking the heart of God on the matter. 

The material I read wasn’t in vain, it helped me to realize my need to live in the season of singleness before it is gone, but ultimately, I had to take the practical steps to apply what I was being told.

As I struggled with giving my “love life” (or lack thereof) to God I began to search the scriptures and find verses that would apply to my current situation. As I did this, one passage struck me,

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.”

In this chapter, Paul speaks about all aspects of marriage and singleness as a Christian. He essentially explains the pros and cons of each state, and how we are to serve God whatever our marital status may be. In this specific section, Paul is not saying marriage is a “bad thing”, he is simply pointing out how it is easy to serve God when you are single because you are free from all “distractions”. This isn’t to say that being in a relationship is a distraction, but it can be if it does not align with God’s will and timing. 

When I read these verses I realized that my desire to be in a relationship was indeed distracting me from serving God to the fullest, I was not focused wholly on God. My eyes had shifted from Him, to “finding someone” and I was shoving aside the things I knew God was challenging me about personally. My relationship with my parents and siblings, my focus on evangelism, and my desire for God. 

My response

The night I stumbled across 1 Corinthians 7 I was desperate, I had prayed and did all I could think of to get my mind off of the certain someone I thought I liked but nothing was working. After I read God’s word and realized how distracted I had become I prayed. I repented of my wavering devotion and truly placed all my struggles and emotions into God’s hands. 

I didn’t do this just once however, I had to continually lay my burdens on the Lord and remind myself of His plan. When fiery darts were bombarding my mind I chose to set my mind on things above and remember what my calling is in this season. 

I have come to realize and accept the fact that, right now, I am not ready for marriage. And if I’m not ready for marriage then I am not prepared for a relationship. When I do enter into a relationship with a guy it will be intentional and serious with the goal of finding out if he is a man who I wish to marry. I need to go into the relationship with my ducks in a row. I still won’t be perfect, and I will constantly be working on becoming a better Christian, but I will be ready for a relationship that could lead to marriage.  

I don’t know when that day will be so until then I am living my single life to the fullest. Once you begin dating and get married, there is no turning back. As beautiful a thing as marriage is, there are benefits to the single life as well! 

I get to live with my amazing family, build strong friendships, make memories, and enjoy my mom’s good cooking. When I want to hang out with friends the possibilities are limitless, I can enjoy girls’ outings and not worry about returning home to cook food for my husband. When I attend church conferences I can stay out as late as I wish (which isn’t very late but what if the man I marry is in bed by 10?!) and I can choose which fellowships I want to attend not based on another person’s opinion. 

I know that all sounds very progressive and feministic, but it’s not. I don’t want to live this way forever, there are a few downsides too, but the truth is I can enjoy this season because I know it is exactly that, a season.

Soon enough my knight in shining armor will come along and then I will step into a completely different season. Until then, I have peace I am where God wants me.

What are you going to do?

Now that I’ve shared my journey, and hopefully provided more context and information to those of you who are in a similar boat, what are you going to do?

You can read articles and watch videos until you are blue in the face like I did, but nothing will change until, just as I did, you choose to act on what you know is right and what God has spoken to you. 

Take some time and consider where you are spiritually and in your relationships with your family. Ask yourself practical questions like,

• Is my relationship with God strong enough to sustain the new challenges that come from being in a relationship?

• How is my relationship with my parents and siblings? If I were to marry someone in another state or city would those relationships die?

• What do my current plans for the future look like without a guy in my life? How can I orchestrate my life so that when I do get married I can easily adjust and until then I am still living up to my full God-given potential?

The answers to these questions will provide much direction and clarity about your current situation. 

Lastly, pray, give it all to God, and take your worries and fears to Him, you may not hear a booming voice from the skies, but I can promise you that if you faithfully seek God and continually surrender your “love life” to Him, He will give you peace that surpasses understanding.