Modesty, A Practical Approach

Now that you have the right heart about modesty and are aiming to live a modest lifestyle, let’s get down to some practical aspects of dressing modestly. The important thing to remember about modesty is that there isn’t a list of do’s and don’ts but there are some basic standards that provide a good base to fall back on.

Everyone’s body is different, and it’s important to recognize that and find clothes that work for you! There are some things that my sister can wear that would be way too form-fitting or revealing on me. Similarly, there are things that I can wear that wouldn’t fit her quite right. 

Let’s explore some tests you can do to see if your clothes are modest and creative ways to make sure your clothing is glorifying God. 

Does your wardrobe pass the test?

For many years I have had a chart in my closet that I received at a mother-daughter event that my mom, my sister, and I attended when I was around 10 years old.* It lays out different tests to see if you’re dressed modestly. My mom used these standards for me growing up and shared them with the girls in our church youth group for many years. I encourage you to pull some clothes from your closet and give these tests a try. You may find that some of your clothing options should be re-evaluated. 

Raise and Praise

This test is to see if your shirt is too short and it might make you cringe in the age of crop tops. 

Stand in front of a mirror and pretend you are praising God in church, arms straight up. Is this exposing too much? Even if you don’t raise your hands straight in the air in worship, think of all the other things you do each day that will cause your shirt to lift. If your shirt is supposed to fit regularly but constantly hikes up with the slightest movement, it’s probably time to donate it. If you own crop tops, then it may be time to… throw them out. 

I’ve heard people ask what’s wrong with crop tops. How is showing your mid-drift immodest? Think about it, when you see a girl wearing a crop top, where are your eyes drawn? To what’s showing. 

Some girls with belly button rings wear crop tops to show them off, some super fit girls, want you to see their 6-pack, others simply want to fit in.

You are showing a little, or a lot, more skin than would be seen if you were wearing just a regular shirt. As my grandpa used to say, “You don’t leave much to the imagination”. 

The other thing to remember is that many crop tops hang so that the slightest wrong movement will expose your chest area. Some crop tops are also incredibly tight, extenuating your breasts and forcing you to constantly keep adjusting them. 

Whenever I see a girl wearing a crop top or a shirt that is too short for them, they are always standing slightly hunched over and they keep their arms covering their stomach (which is exposed by the shirt). Why? Because it is uncomfortable, while there may not be anything overly sexual about seeing a girl’s belly button, it draws eyes, and those who have perverted mindsets will be looking at you differently. 

I See London, I See France

Can you see your underpants?

Bend over and check yourself in the mirror. Can you see the outline of your panties through your pants, skirt, or shorts? If your pants are too tight, or undies too bright, this can cause an issue! To avoid tight jeans, when you are trying them on at the store turn around and take a look at the area where your thigh meets your butt. If there is a little bit of wiggle room (access material) there you should be good! If it’s a suction fit, then those pants probably aren’t for you.

This is another problem in the age of leggings and workout clothes. While leggings can be cute or comfy, they also draw attention to the wrong things. Your butt is very much exposed, (not literally) but leggings or tight jeans accentuate it. Truthfully, leggings accentuate everything, and that’s the reason that guys like it when you wear them. Workout clothes are good for the gym, but probably not the best option for running errands. Also, wearing gym clothes to the gym doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still uphold modesty (I cringe to see the new booty scrunch lift leggings and shorts that girls are wearing these days)!

Tight jeans and leggings drive home the point of how everyone’s body is different, it is important to remember that jeans that fit a friend of yours might not fit you the same way! 

As mentioned in the test, seeing your undies isn’t helpful either. If you are wearing light-colored pants make sure you are wearing skin-toned or light undies.  

Mirror Image

How short is too short?

When you are wearing shorts or a skirt, sit cross-legged in front of a full-length mirror. What do you see? If you see too much thigh or your panties, so can everyone else!

What’s wrong with things too short? Well, as the test shows us, if you can see your upper thigh you are that much closer to exposing your butt. As with many of the athletic shorts these days they are short and loose, when you move or bend just the wrong way, you are in endanger of exposing yourself. Have you ever seen someone wearing super short shorts or a mini skirt from behind? You can begin to see where their thigh turns into their butt, not something that should be on display. Even if your bottoms aren’t that short, they can easily ride up when you sit down or move around. Short skirts and dresses are especially tricky since you have even less mobility.

The Plumbers Test

Are your pants too low? 

It’s not cute on the plumber and it’s not cute on girls either, that’s right… the awful crack view. Go ahead and sit crossed-legged on the floor again, this time lean forward and reach behind to get a feel for what may be on display. (You may need to ask a girlfriend for help on this one). 

Low-ride jeans were popular when I was growing up, maybe they still are, however, what is “all the rage” these days is the peekaboo style or whale tail underwear trend. What the purpose is of showing your underwear line I will never know, but at a glance, it does come off as incredibly sexual. You are showing the world your lingerie, need I say more? 

Stand in the gap

Is your shirt too tight?

Wear a button-down shirt and stand sideways in front of a mirror, is the space between the buttons gaping open? If so, your shirt is too tight, you are in danger of exposing too much or losing a button!

When you wear tight or form-fitting clothes you are drawing attention to the shape of your body. Yes, you should dress in things that complement your body type, but to try and accentuate a certain area so that people will see it is not glorifying God in your body. Maybe you don’t wear button-down shirts all the time, but you can still test to see if your shirts or dresses are too tight by trying them on in front of a mirror or with a girlfriend, what do you see? Are your eyes drawn to your chest because the shirt is suctioning around it? Are your hips the main attraction when you are wearing a certain dress? If yes, then those pieces need to be retired. Again, everyone’s body is different, just because a dress looks good on your bestie, doesn’t mean it will look good on you!

Palm Pilot

Is your shirt too low? 

For this last test, take your hand and hook your thumb onto your collarbone (the little shelf under your neck), now lay your palm flat on your chest to where your pinky is about 5-6 inches down from your thumb. If any skin is showing under or around your pinky, you need to rethink this shirt. 

Let’s face it, almost worse than the butt crack on the plumber is the boob crack on a woman. It draws eyes. Period. What’s more, you are exposing some, if not most, of your breasts when wearing low-cut shirts. Use this test to determine how low is too low, pick a finger, and use it as your guide (I like my shirts to stay above my middle finger). 

But How?

Now that you’ve done those tests, what can be done to fix these issues? Glad you asked. 

Some clothes just need to be thrown away, if you find some items that are provocative or simply immodest, best to trash them. If you realize that much of your wardrobe is too small for you but not necessarily immodest, donate them or pass them on to a smaller friend or girl in your church (or your little sister!). 

When it comes to shirts my best advice is to purchase what the chart on my wall calls your “secret weapon”. Undershirts! I have all sorts of undershirts. I wear them when I’m just wearing a basic T-shirt too! 

Below I’ve linked some of my favorites but you can purchase tank tops or camisoles anywhere (I have several from Walmart!). I own white, black, and skin-toned undershirts for all different occasions. If you wear a lot of a specific color such as brown or blue, try searching for some that will complement those colors (if you are super adventurous, you can find all sorts of colors and make a statement with the color contrast). I’ve also found that crop tops work great for wearing under dresses with spaghetti straps (so don’t toss out your tiny and tight crop tops before trying them on under a few dresses!) Undershirts solve so many wardrobe malfunctions and can make an otherwise immodest outfit perfectly appropriate. Here is a list of ways they can be used:

• If your shirt (or dress) is too low, a high undershirt underneath can solve it! The same is true if you’re wearing a tank top tee and the underarm area is too wide, an undershirt can hide your bra and chest. 

• If you have a loose-fitting crop top that you don’t want to part with you can through an undershirt on to be trendy and modest. 

• I am used to wearing one even under regular tees and I’ve found that they help to smooth out bra lines which I like.

Pro tip, when shopping for undershirts purchase them a size or two smaller than what you would normally wear so they don’t end up looking frumpy under your clothes.

Here are some of my favorite undershirts

Worthington Seamless Cami

This undershirt is high in front and under the arms, I have one in white, black, and a skin tone. Purchase here.

Cato Seamless Tank

I’ve used these for years, they are great and super comfortable. (when I was looking for the link for these I also found this kind that I haven’t tried before but I think they would be a great option as well!) Purchase here.

Walmart No Boundaries Tank

I couldn’t find the link for the exact type that I have, I believe they are seasonal, however, they did have a wide range of options to choose from. I use these for basic everyday wear.

Tank top tees aren’t immodest unless they are low cut or expose too much of your chest under your arms, but if you feel uncomfortable wearing tank top dresses or shirts, try throwing a light cardigan or jean jacket on over them! This is also great for using summer dresses in the cold months. 

Tight pants or jeans should probably just be donated, aside from drawing attention to the wrong areas they are also super uncomfortable, squeezing into them and having to adjust them all the time isn’t fun! Tight pants also tend to give you wedgies! If you really like wearing leggings opt for wearing an oversized tee shirt or sweatshirt to cover your butt area. Or keep them to wear around the house or to the gym. 

If you struggle with your undies being seen when you wear light-colored pants or dresses, consider purchasing some skin-toned panties for such occasions. If you struggle with underwear lines when wearing dresses I’ve found that wearing undies without a large hem helps. I also always wear undershorts with skirts and dresses helping to smooth out lines and protect from exposing myself. I also recommend purchasing a slip for sheer or light-colored dresses to prevent them from being too see-through. 

Finding long shorts and dresses can sometimes be tricky. When shopping for shorts try looking for “Bermuda shorts” specifically, they are longer. It’s always best to try them on before you buy, test them in the mirror to make sure that they fit properly. The rule I use for purchasing dresses or skirts is they can’t be higher than my knee. The shortest I will go is right above my kneecap (when I was still growing I tended toward dresses that covered my knees so I wouldn’t grow out of them as quickly). The other thing that this rule helps with is not allowing the dress to ride up too high when you sit down. The same applies to shorts! Sit down on the bench in the dressing room, do they hike up too high?

Ditch the low-cut jeans and make sure your underwear stays hidden (this is true for bra lines as well, please don’t purposely show your bra straps). If you struggle with saggy pants, buy a belt! I have several different belts that can remedy loose jeans, and they also look cute on some dresses!

But Where?

I believe dressing stylishly and modesty is an art, it’s something that takes practice, but it’s also quite fun! If you see an outfit that you like, but it’s not modest, revise it! Trade the crop top for a basic tee shirt. Or throw on an undershirt to deal with spaghetti straps. There are so many styles when tweaked can be super cute and appropriate. 

While some stores consistently sell modest attire, most of the time it requires searching the store and being creative. Modest clothing can sometimes be a little pricy, but as someone who loves a great deal I tend to shop at places that aren’t too expensive (there are a few higher-end stores that I visit, it’s worth it sometimes.) Below I’ve listed some of my favorite places to shop for you to check out!

• Old Navy. Not only do they have great sales, they also have great clothes! They sell a wide range of jeans and I love their T-shirts. 

• Marshalls and TJMaxx. These stores require some searching but I always find great clothes when I go. Mainly dresses and tops. 

• Khols. Khols always has cute things, they also have good sales (and Khols cash!). I’ve found several T-shirts here, but they also have great dresses and semi-formal wear. 

• Dillards. Yes, they are pricy, but they have great sales throughout the year. Dillards is one of those places I have a hard time leaving. They have all sorts of styles to choose from. The main thing I buy here is dresses. 

• Plato’s Closet. Ok, this one is for my thrifters. The Plato’s in my city is great, but some aren’t if you have one in your area, check it out. I always find something. I mainly find tops and shoes here. 

• Sam’s Club and Costco. Strange, I know, but they do have great clothes. Whenever we are shopping there we always peruse the clothing section. They have clothes for the season and usually sell great PJs too!

Lastly, I leave you with this. My mom found a chart of some questions to ask yourself when dressing. These will help you to remain modest in your heart while dressing modestly as well.