Motherly Counsel

My mom is one of my heroes, not just because she is my mom or because she birthed, fed, and clothed me for half my life. She is my hero because of her life before I was born, the stands she made in her youth, and the lessons she learned that she passed on to me. 

I have been saved from so much heartache due to my mom’s counsel and wisdom. 

I don’t know where I would be without her wise advice and firm discipline, and I am continually amazed at young girl’s lack of willingness to seek their mother’s counsel in different areas of life. 

Even if a young woman does not have a godly mother in their life, it is important to find a mentor in the church who can support them in their walk with God.

What the Bible says

Throughout the Bible, God calls the younger generations to seek the counsel of those who have gone before. Proverbs is full of the phrase “my son” as the father advises his son and leads him along the straight and narrow path. 

Proverbs 1:8

My son, hear the instruction of your father,

And do not forsake the law of your mother;

Proverbs 3:1 

My son, do not forget my law,

But let your heart keep my commands;

The first 9 verses of the popular chapter Proverbs 31 are the words of a mother as she directs her son who is to be king. 

We also see examples of elders training the young in the New Testament church, in 1 Timothy Paul calls the church to treat the “older women as mothers,” and “younger women as sisters, with all purity.” (1 Timothy 5:2). In the book of Titus, as Paul is describing the qualities we as Christians are supposed to display in the church body he calls on the older women to train the younger.

Titus 2:4-5

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

It is clear that God has called those who have come before us to aid in our journeys of faith, likewise, we are to ask their input and apply what we learn from them to our lives. When we choose to do so, we will be saved from much heartache. 

My story

When I turned 13 my parents sat me down and told me that I could, and should, tell them anything that was going on in my life. They talked about how the norm is for teenagers not to tell their parents anything and be secretive in everything they do, but that leads to lots of heartache later down the road. I had an open relationship with my parents before that time, but they didn’t want to lose that as I stepped into my teen years as many young folks do. 

I learned to seek my mom’s guidance in every area, even when I didn’t want to, or when it was uncomfortable. As I have grown throughout my teen years I have come to see that 99% of the crazy situations I have been faced with, my mom experienced as well. Not only did she deal with them before me, but she came out stronger and learned lessons that she could pass on to me. 

Amid girl drama at school, she was like a safe haven to whom I could bring every scenario. She would remind me to keep my heart right, and to “kill them with kindness”. She would pray for me and encourage me, and when I was in the wrong she would correct and chasten me. One thing I continually marvel at is her discernment. When I would be making new friends she would notice things about them that were not right, things I only can see now in hindsight. She would warn me against keeping company with certain individuals. If I listened, blessing followed, if not there was much pain. 

When I would be caught up in liking boys in grade school she would caution me to guard my heart, and not give it all away to silly crushes. My mom made many hard stands throughout school and even after graduation, with guys inside and outside of church. As she would share these stories with me I was inspired to do the same, I didn’t always, but I have gained a few stories of my own. However, I wouldn’t have known what to do if my mom hadn’t guided me.

In times of uncertainty, she has been like a rock, throughout high school as I struggled with deciding what to do afterward, during my grandfather’s sickness and eventual passing, and in the job search as I endured one letdown after another. 

All through my life, she has been a constant source of wisdom, even when she didn’t know what to say she would pray, and it seemed that no matter what I was facing, it would be “all better” when I would hear her pray over me and the circumstances I was facing. The truth is God gave her to me, just like He gave your mom to you, so instead of shunning her and despising her direction, embrace her and the wisdom she gives. 

But, I don’t have a mom

You might be thinking, “Well, Aubrynn, that’s great for you because you have a godly mother, but I don’t.” Maybe you’re mom isn’t in church, or not in the picture at all, God has not just given us mothers to guide us, He also has placed other women in the church to support us in our walk with Him. The Bible calls on older women (not just the elderly, but any women older and more mature in the faith than you are) to guide the younger women. 

Titus 2:4-5

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

So maybe your mother isn’t around, or she isn’t the goldy role model she should be, while we are always called to honor our mothers (Ephesians 6:1-3), God has also placed wise women in the church whom we can go to for counsel.

Notice Paul doesn’t say “These mothers” but “These older women”, he is calling on women in the church to be there for those younger than them. The list of things he tells them to do covers just about everything God has called mothers to do. God has implemented this into the church for those with and without mothers, we can all seek instruction from women in our churches. 

I challenge you to find a woman in your church whom you admire and ask her questions about things you might be going through, specifically if your mother isn’t there for you. It may be a bit awkward at first but I encourage you to build a relationship with her and see what God does through that. 

We weren’t created to do life alone, God has implemented systems that will aid us as we journey through life, but it’s our responsibility to follow that pattern. 

So, now you have to decide, will you open up to your mother or a woman in the church about what you are going through and seek prayer and direction? Or will you continue to keep all of your struggles to yourself? Trust me, it isn’t worth it to hide things from your mother even if she isn’t a Christian, the truth will come out eventually and it's better to be open and transparent with her early on rather than to have everything blow up on you without her knowing.